Taking the First Step: What to Expect in Grief Therapy
Grief is the most profound and exhausting work a person can do. Whether your loss stems from the death of a loved one, a difficult divorce, a major life transition, or particularly painful circumstances, the feeling of being overwhelmed is universal.
Deciding to start grief therapy is an act of courage and self-compassion. If you've wondered what actually happens once you step into a therapy room, here is a compassionate guide to the process and what you can expect when working with me.
The First Session: Setting the Compass
The first session is primarily about getting to know you and your loss. This isn't just an intake form; it's a dedicated space for you to share your story without judgment.
You Set the Pace: You will never be pushed to share more than you're ready to. We might start with the logistics of the loss, or we might start with memories of the person, whatever feels safest for you.
A Detailed History: I will ask questions about your relationship with the person or situation, how the loss occurred, your family and social support systems, and how you are currently coping day-to-day.
Establishing Safety: My primary goal is to ensure you feel safe, validated, and seen. This session is about building the foundation of trust we need to do this difficult work together.
Therapy for Stigmatized and Complex Losses
While grief is grief, losses that carry an element of stigma or complexity often require a specific type of support. At Vargas Counseling and Consulting, I often work with people grieving losses that might feel difficult to talk about with friends or family, such as:
Losses due to addiction or overdose
Death by suicide
Homicide or violent death
Ambiguous losses (like divorce, immigration, or cognitive decline)
In these cases, you can expect me to provide:
Non-Judgmental Validation: We will create a space where you can express the guilt, shame, anger, or confusion that often accompanies stigmatized grief. There are no "bad" feelings here.
Challenging Societal Myths: We will work together to dismantle the harmful idea that you are responsible for the actions or circumstances of your loved one's death.
Focus on Post-Traumatic Growth: For losses involving trauma, we will gently address the events while focusing on integrating the memory without being continually re-traumatized by it.
What Therapy Will Look Like
Grief therapy is not about "getting over" your loss. It is about learning how to integrate the loss into your life and figuring out who you are now.
1. The Work of Validation and Expression
Many people feel isolated because their friends or family don't know how to handle their pain. In our sessions, you can expect:
Permission to Cry, Rage, or Sit in Silence: The therapy room is a container for all the emotions that society asks you to suppress.
Finding Your Voice: We will work on helping you communicate your needs and boundaries to others, protecting your energy in the real world.
Memory Work: We may gently explore memories and traditions to help you maintain a healthy, continuing bond with your loved one.
2. Learning Practical Coping Skills
Grief is exhausting and impacts every part of your life. We will identify and practice concrete skills to help you manage the acute pain:
Grounding Techniques: Simple exercises to bring you back to the present moment when a wave of grief hits.
Self-Care Planning: Creating achievable daily or weekly rituals to address the fatigue, insomnia, or lack of appetite that often accompanies grief.
Mindfulness: Learning to observe your grief without judgment, recognizing that pain and love are two sides of the same coin.
How Long Does It Take?
There is no timeline for grief, and therefore, no set timeline for grief therapy. Some clients benefit from a short-term focus on an acute crisis, while others require long-term support to navigate complex trauma or the initial years following a major loss.
Therapy ends when you feel you have the tools and confidence to carry your grief in a way that allows you to move through life comfortably.
Taking this first step is a courageous act of love for yourself. If you are struggling with a loss, please know you do not have to carry this burden alone.
If you find this helpful, please share it. And as always, reach out with any questions.
If you have been to grief therapy, what was the most surprising or helpful thing you learned in your first session? If you haven't been, what is the single biggest question you have about starting? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Ready to find a lighter way forward? You don't have to carry this heavy burden alone.
I offer in-person grief therapy in the Denver, Colorado, area and virtual therapy across all of Colorado and Pennsylvania.
Take the next step: Schedule a free, 15-minute consultation today to see how we can start working through your unique grief journey together.
