The Summer Slump: Why Summer Can Feel So Difficult for Grievers
We often hear about the challenges of grieving during the winter holidays; the long nights and the pressure of family gatherings. But for many, the arrival of summer brings a different, more isolating kind of difficulty. While society seems to "turn up the volume" on happiness, social outings, and sun-drenched vacations, those of us in grief often find ourselves wanting to turn the volume down.
If you’ve found yourself feeling more exhausted, irritable, or disconnected as the days get longer, you aren't doing grief wrong. You are experiencing the unique weight of summer grief.
The Contrast Effect: Internal vs. External Weather
One of the hardest parts of summer grief is the sheer contrast between the "external weather" and your "internal weather." When it is gray and raining outside, there is a natural alignment with the somber mood of loss. But when the sun is shining and the world is buzzing with activity, your internal sadness can feel "out of place."
This contrast can lead to a sense of cognitive dissonance. You may feel a "sunshine tax"—the internal pressure to match the world’s energy level when your battery is actually at zero. Seeing others celebrate can unintentionally highlight the tectonic shift that has occurred in your own life, making the absence of your loved one feel even louder.
The Pressure of "The Best Summer Ever"
Our culture places a heavy emphasis on summer as a time for "making memories." From social media posts of beach trips to the constant "What are your summer plans?" small talk, the pressure to be active is relentless.
For someone navigating suicide loss or the complexity of overdose loss, these invitations can feel like a minefield. You might find yourself:
Managing others’ expectations: Feeling like you have to say "yes" to the BBQ or the lake trip just to prove you are "doing better."
The FOMO of the Past: Grieving the summers you used to have with your person, which makes the current season feel like a hollow imitation.
Sensory Overload: The noise, the heat, and the crowds of summer can be overwhelming for a nervous system that is already taxed by the work of grieving.
The "Dual Process" of Summer
In therapy, we often look at the Dual Process Model of grief. This model shows that we naturally swing between "Loss-Orientation" (feeling the pain) and "Restoration-Orientation" (engaging with life).
Summer often tries to force us into "Restoration" 24/7. Society wants us to be in the "life" lane constantly. However, healthy grieving requires the freedom to move back into the "loss" lane whenever we need to, even if it’s a beautiful 80-degree day.
How to Navigate the "Summer Slump"
If you are struggling to find your footing this season, here are a few ways to be gentle with yourself:
Lower the Bar for "Plans": Your "summer plans" can be as simple as sitting on a porch for ten minutes or reading a book in the shade. You don't have to keep up with the world’s pace.
Use the "Continuing Bonds" Lens: Instead of trying to "move on" from the summers you shared with your loved one, try to integrate their memory into your current season. Eat their favorite summer food or visit a quiet spot they loved.
Honor Your Sensory Needs: If the bright sun feels too "loud," give yourself permission to stay in a cool, dark room. It isn't "wasted time"; it’s a necessary rest for your soul.
Compassionate Support in Denver and Pennsylvania
Grief doesn't follow the school calendar or the changing seasons. If the "sunshine tax" is feeling too high this year, you don’t have to carry it alone. Whether you are looking for in-person support in Denver or virtual therapy in Pennsylvania, I provide a space where you don't have to perform happiness.
We can work together to find a pace that honors your internal weather, no matter what the sky looks like outside.
Does summer feel different for you this year? Share in the comments one way you are giving yourself permission to 'turn down the volume' on the season.
Ready to find a lighter way forward? You don't have to carry this heavy burden alone.
I offer in-person grief therapy in the Denver, Colorado, area and virtual therapy across all of Colorado and Pennsylvania.
Take the next step: Schedule a free, 15-minute consultation today to see how we can start working through your unique grief journey together.
Laura Vargas, MSW, LCSW Vargas Counseling and Consulting www.vargascounseling.com
